How to Rebuild Trust After Experiencing Betrayal Trauma

29 June 2025

Let’s be real for a second—betrayal hurts. Like, really hurts. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member who broke your trust, that sting runs deep. It’s the kind of emotional gut punch that can leave you doubting not just the person who hurt you, but yourself, your choices, and even the world around you.

But here’s the good news—it’s possible to rebuild trust after betrayal trauma. Yep, even if right now the idea of trusting anyone again feels about as likely as getting struck by lightning while winning the lottery.

So, grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment here), and let’s talk about how you can start piecing things back together.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Before we dive into the healing part, it’s important to understand betrayal trauma. At its core, betrayal trauma happens when someone you deeply depend on violates your trust in a way that rocks your emotional foundation.

Think spouses cheating, parents abandoning their role, or friends backstabbing you when you needed them most. It’s not just about the event itself—it’s about the emotional wreckage it leaves behind.

That trauma can show up as:

- Trouble trusting others
- Anxiety or depression
- Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts
- Low self-esteem
- General emotional numbness

Sound familiar? You’re not broken—you’re human. And healing is totally within your reach.

Step 1: Sit With Your Feelings (Yes, Even the Ugly Ones)

Let’s start with the tough part—acknowledging how you really feel. Anger, sadness, confusion, rage, resentment, grief… bring ‘em all to the table. Shoving feelings down doesn’t make them disappear; it just gives them VIP passes to pop up later—usually when you least expect it.

So let yourself feel. Cry if you need to. Scream into a pillow. Journal it out. Talk to a friend or therapist. Emotional honesty is the first step to emotional healing.

🧠 Pro Tip: Name your feelings. Don’t just say “I feel bad.” Try “I feel abandoned” or “I feel unworthy.” Words have power, and naming emotions helps you take charge.

Step 2: Don’t Rush Yourself

Healing isn’t Amazon Prime—you can’t set it to arrive in two days.

After a betrayal, there’s a natural urge to “just move on already.” But you can’t fast-forward through the messy parts, no matter how much you'd like to. Give yourself permission to take alllll the time you need.

Setbacks? Totally normal. Tears three months later? Also normal. It’s not a race—it’s a journey with pit stops, detours, and sometimes flat tires. But every step forward counts, even if it’s tiny.

Step 3: Rebuild Trust with Yourself First

Here’s something people don’t talk about enough—betrayal doesn’t just break trust in others. It also breaks the trust you had in yourself.

You might catch yourself thinking:

- “How did I not see it coming?”
- “Why did I let them treat me like that?”
- “Can I even trust my own judgment?”

And while those thoughts feel real and loud, they’re not the truth.

Rebuilding trust means learning to believe in your own gut again. To listen to that little inner voice and know it’s got your back. That starts with small daily promises to yourself. Follow through even on the tiniest things—drinking a glass of water, turning off your phone at night, or saying no when something doesn’t feel right.

Show up for yourself consistently and you’ll be amazed at how your self-confidence blossoms.

Step 4: Set Boundaries Like a Boss

Boundaries are your emotional security system. After betrayal, you might feel the need to build a ten-foot wall around your heart—but there’s a better way.

Think of healthy boundaries like a screen door. They let in the breeze (i.e., the good stuff) while keeping out the bugs (a.k.a. toxic vibes).

Setting boundaries might look like:

- Saying no without guilt
- Avoiding people who don’t respect your feelings
- Limiting contact with the person who betrayed you
- Taking space to process

Boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about protection and self-respect. You matter, and it’s okay to act like it.

Step 5: Embrace Therapy Like the Self-Care Hero You Are

You don’t have to do this alone. Seriously. Talking to a therapist can be like having an emotional personal trainer. They help you navigate the tangled mess of your feelings, offer clarity, and provide tools to move forward.

Look for a therapist experienced in trauma or betrayal healing. EMDR, CBT, or trauma-focused therapy can be especially helpful.

And if therapy feels scary or out of reach right now? Start small. Even reading books, listening to podcasts, or joining support groups can be a huge help.

Healing is brave—and so are you.

Step 6: Ask the Big Questions (But Only When You’re Ready)

Eventually, you might find yourself asking, “Should I forgive them?” or “Can I ever trust them again?”

Big questions, right? But here’s the thing—you don’t need to answer them right away. Or ever, honestly.

Forgiveness isn’t a requirement for healing. Rebuilding trust with the one who hurt you isn’t either. You get to decide what healing looks like for you. And if you do choose to mend a relationship, it needs two things:

1. True accountability from the person who hurt you.
2. A rebuild of trust on your terms and timeline.

You’re in the driver’s seat.

Step 7: Surround Yourself with Safe People

After betrayal, your social radar might feel a little short-circuited. That’s okay. Start by reconnecting with the people who make you feel safe, seen, and supported.

Look for:

- Friends who listen without judgment
- Family who respect your boundaries
- Communities (online or offline) that offer kindness

Being around emotionally healthy people reminds you that trust still exists in the world—it hasn’t gone extinct, promise.

Step 8: Rediscover Joy (Even in Tiny Doses)

Let’s get one thing clear—healing isn’t just about processing pain. It’s also about inviting joy back into your life, little by little.

What lights you up? Dancing? Hiking? Baking questionable cookies at 2 a.m.? Do more of that.

Joy is like emotional sunlight—it helps flowers of trust grow again.

Step 9: Be Kind to Future You

At some point, you’ll start to open up again. You might feel butterflies. You might feel fear. You might feel both at the same time.

Just remember: You’re not the same person you were before the betrayal. You’re wiser, more aware, and (gasp!) stronger.

Set realistic expectations. Give yourself grace. Trust again slowly, but don’t let the past steal the beauty of what the future might hold.

You don’t need to be perfect to love again. You just need to be whole—and you’re already on that path.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Trust—And You Can Have It Again

Rebuilding trust after betrayal trauma isn’t neat or linear. It’s bumpy, filled with doubts, and occasionally peppered with ice cream consumed directly from the container (again, no judgment here).

But it’s also possible.

You’re not broken—you’re healing. You’re not weak—you’re surviving. And most importantly? You are still worthy of love, trust, and peace.

One step at a time, friend. You’ve got this.