Understanding Transference and Countertransference in Therapy

26 August 2025

If you’ve ever found yourself having strangely strong feelings toward someone who reminds you of someone else—maybe a parent, an ex, or even your childhood best friend—then congratulations, you’ve experienced something very human. In the world of therapy, there's a name for this: transference. And when your therapist starts to feel strong emotions back at you (yep, they’re human too), that’s countertransference. These terms sound fancy, but trust me, they actually help explain a lot of what makes therapy so powerful—and sometimes tricky.

Let’s unpack it all, piece by piece, in plain English.

What Is Transference?

Transference is like your emotional baggage sneaking into the therapy room with you, even though you didn’t pack it on purpose. It's when you start projecting past feelings, beliefs, or expectations onto your therapist.

Imagine you're talking to your therapist, and all of a sudden, you're feeling defensive or unusually needy. Your therapist didn't do anything out of the ordinary—but you might be reacting to them as if they were someone else from your past. Maybe your mom who never listened, or your dad who expected perfection. That's transference in action.

Where Does It Come From?

It usually stems from early relationships—typically with caregivers or other important figures. These early interactions help shape how we relate to people later in life. When you enter therapy (a deep, emotionally raw space), your subconscious pulls out familiar patterns. Suddenly, you're not just talking to your therapist; you're reliving old emotions and dynamics.

It’s not about the therapist doing anything wrong—it’s about how your brain is trying to replay unresolved stuff in real-time.

What Is Countertransference?

Here’s where it gets interesting—therapists aren’t robots. (Shocking, right?) They have their own emotional reactions. That’s where countertransference comes in.

Countertransference happens when a therapist starts to project their own feelings back at the client. It's like the flip side of the same psychological coin.

Let’s say you remind your therapist of their younger sibling who always needed rescuing. Without even realizing it, your therapist might start feeling overly protective or might go out of their way to “fix” you. That’s countertransference.

Is It a Bad Thing?

Not necessarily. While unmanaged countertransference can mess with objectivity, therapists are trained to notice it and use it to help the process along. It can actually be a valuable tool—if the therapist is self-aware and has good supervision.

It’s like a mirror. If your therapist realizes they're feeling something extra due to countertransference, they can use that as a clue to understand what might be going on emotionally for you.

Real-Life Example of Transference

Let’s say you had a critical father. As a child, you learned that approval had to be earned, and failure wasn’t an option. Fast-forward to therapy—you might find yourself desperately trying to impress your therapist or fearing their judgment. You might avoid talking about certain topics because you don’t want to “disappoint” them.

Guess what? That's not actually about your therapist. That’s transference pulling strings behind the scenes.

Now, if your therapist recognizes this, they might gently explore it with you: “I’ve noticed you seem very concerned about what I think of you—has that been a common feeling in other areas of your life?” Boom. Now the therapeutic process goes deeper.

Real-Life Example of Countertransference

Maybe a therapist had a troubled teenage daughter who struggled with addiction. Now, years later, they’re working with a teenage girl with similar issues. Even without meaning to, they might feel panicky, overly invested, or even judgmental.

That emotional reaction? That’s countertransference.

When handled well, the therapist can step back, seek supervision, and regain clarity. But when ignored? It can lead to bias, poor boundaries, or missed cues in therapy.

Why This Matters in Therapy

Both transference and countertransference are goldmines for insight—but also potential landmines if not acknowledged.

For Clients

Transference offers a window into your emotional world. It helps you understand how old relationships still shape your current ones. That insight can be life-changing.

For example, if you tend to expect abandonment or rejection, and that shows up in therapy, your therapist can help you see the pattern—and more importantly, help you change it.

For Therapists

Countertransference is like emotional static. When therapists recognize it, they tune their emotional “radio” back to the client’s channel. They can use their reactions as information rather than letting them lead the session astray.

How Do Therapists Manage This?

Short answer? A lot of training, supervision, reflection—and sometimes their own therapy.

Supervision and Peer Consultation

Most therapists regularly consult with peers or supervisors. Not because they don’t know what they’re doing, but because therapy is emotionally intense work. Having a second pair of eyes helps them see things they might miss from their own emotional blind spots.

Personal Therapy

Many therapists are encouraged (or even required) to undergo personal therapy as part of their training. This helps them resolve their own issues, so they don’t bring them into sessions.

Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

The best therapists practice ongoing self-awareness. They pause and ask themselves, “Is this about my client—or is this stirring something old in me?” That kind of honest reflection protects the therapeutic space.

How to Spot Transference in Your Own Therapy

Not sure if you're experiencing transference? Ask yourself:

- Do I feel unusually emotional around my therapist, either positive or negative?
- Do I fear their judgment or seek their approval more than usual?
- Am I reacting to them like I would to someone from my past?
- Do I get triggered by things they say or do that don’t seem like a big deal?

If you said yes to any of those—yep, it might be transference.

And guess what? That’s not a bad thing. It means you’re tapping into deeper emotional material. Talk about it with your therapist! That’s where the real magic happens.

How to Handle Countertransference as a Therapist

If you’re a therapist, monitor your emotional reactions. Do certain clients make you feel unusually frustrated, anxious, protective, or even infatuated? These are red flags worth exploring—preferably with a supervisor, not just internally.

Try journaling after sessions, staying in your own therapy, and getting regular supervision.

Remember: countertransference isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign you're human.

The Dance Between Transference and Countertransference

Picture therapy as a delicate dance. One person (the client) starts moving with emotional rhythms shaped by their past. The other (the therapist) must stay balanced even if those rhythms stir up their own echoes.

If both are aware and intentional, the dance becomes healing. But if either one loses rhythm—it can throw the whole process off.

That’s why awareness is key. Emotional reactions, patterns, expectations—these aren’t distractions from therapy. They are therapy.

Can Transference Be Positive?

Absolutely. We often talk about it in terms of repressed anger or fear, but transference can also look like idealizing your therapist—seeing them as wise, kind, nurturing, even superhuman.

Positive transference can help build trust and safety in the beginning. But, over time, it needs to be gently unpacked. Why? Because therapists are just people. If you put them on a pedestal, you might miss out on seeing how you relate to authority figures, caregivers, etc.

Final Thoughts: Embrace the Messiness

Let’s be real—therapy isn’t always a straight line. You show up with your past, your pain, your patterns. Your therapist shows up with their training, tools, and their own humanity.

Transference and countertransference? They’re part of the mess. But also part of the magic.

If you’re noticing strong emotional reactions in therapy—lean into them. Don’t be afraid to name what you’re feeling. The best therapists won’t just “handle” that—they’ll welcome it.

Therapy isn’t just about fixing problems—it’s about understanding patterns. And understanding transference and countertransference can help you rewrite old scripts and build healthier relationships—starting with the one you have in that little room (or Zoom window) once a week.